You Are Your Own Obstacle

Sometimes having a blog is a convenient way to give voice to things you might not say.

Recently, I’ve witnessed such petty behavior, I almost didn’t believe it was happening. And most of the time, what happens is someone blows way out of proportion what they *think* happened when in reality, they have no idea what really went down and it had nothing to do with them.

Nothing.

So people spend hours, days, weeks (in the case of a few of my great-aunts years ago, years), ruminating, fuming, reliving and standing on ceremony over what they thought happened. Put-upon, woe-is-me indignation – I’m talking HUGE drama – over what is essentially nothing. And of course, had nothing to do with them whatsoever. The machinations of the mind, which would make great novels-fairytales-make-believe but certainly not Real Life.

Such an incredible waste of energy and emotion, isn’t it?

You bet.

When I see it in my kids, I try every parenting trick in the book to talk it out, show them what’s going on, and give them alternate approaches or perspectives so they can shed the drama early in life and not carry it through all the years of therapy and misery that so many of us endured for no good reason.

And I can put my own stamp on this one, too. We all can. I spent years in my very lovely family believing that I didn’t fit in, that no one understood me, and I felt left out constantly. I tried to communicate my feelings to others, but because of their own issues, they couldn’t hear me. And probably (no, certainly) I didn’t communicate it in quite the best way.

It took me nearly a decade of being religious and half that many years of therapy to come to the realization that I am great as I am, and to learn new and better ways to communicate that didn’t alienate others but allowed me to feel confident and stay the course.

And then this year I stumbled upon meditation. The greatest gift to mankind – that time away from time, when all I focus on is being in the now, and that 20 minutes, twice a day, of clearing out the muck so that when life throws you a roller coaster, you can ride it without throwing up.

You see, there is always bullshit. People don’t always do what you want them to do. Life has highs and lows and highs again.

I tell my kids there is no good or bad, there just IS. We color things good and bad with our own baggage and psychology, and what is good today may be bad tomorrow. You know it’s true.

So if that’s the case, then whether someone finishes all the eggs before you get one or you just don’t want to meet in the middle, or you realize that if you really wanted to see each other, you’d both make the extra effort, that’s just life.

Not good. Not bad. And most definitely, not you. 

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