A friend recently commented that she wished my blog were edgier.
“I understand why it’s not,” she said. “You use it for work as well as for personal writing. You have to walk the line.”
Age has brought diplomacy on its wings. Or maybe I’ve learned that carefully navigating what I say and the art of writing between the meanings is a less alienating way of working with the world.
My father always says, “Out of your mouth, printed,” meaning that once you say it, you cannot take it back. I’ve learned that the hard way.
I admire people who don’t care how others respond to what they say, establishing a path of performance and attitude that becomes signature. There are a lot of things I’d like to say that I don’t because I’ve learned to look ahead at the possible outcomes and decide just what I want to deal with.
The double-standard that exists in business especially, but even in other arenas – parenting, extracurricular, and more – puts women in a position to have to consider feelings rather than get-it-done. It’s business, not bitchiness, but women blur the line. Men don’t. I’m saying it. It’s true.
I’d love to always say exactly what I mean. But most people can’t receive it – and then you’ve pissed someone off and made no progress – in fact, stepped hugely backward.
All the great universal philosophies teach that the ultimate position is one of love for all creatures. Even ex-husbands. Love = universal identification – not preferential attachment.
That approach disarms the opposition and makes life easy.
But I’ll get a little edgy for a Wednesday morning. Here are some things I’d like to say. Chew them over.
* Stereotypes are always based on something real.
* I hate being politically correct.
* I will eventually write a book called The Mommy Wars about the ways women never grow up beyond sixth grade – and play out their own insecurities, masking it as “being involved with their children”.
* Yes, sometimes a particular outfit makes you look fat. And maybe you shouldn’t give a damn.
* I absolutely hate our society’s preference for rail-thin women who don’t speak their minds. Sexy is a smart woman with something to hold onto. And by the way, dump the double-standard (paunchy men with triple chins are not attractive).
* It’s not ok to be late. Ever. And if you’re going to be, call, damn it. Why should I wait for you? (This applies not only to doctor appointments but to lunch dates, exes returning the children, meetings and more. It’s arrogant to believe everyone should wait for you.)
* If you eat shitty food, you’re going to be unhealthy. Duh. So don’t complain. It’s your own fault.
That should be enough for a Wednesday morning. Make it a great day.