Last night was lovely – a packed chapel at Song & Spirit Institute for Peace in Berkley, Michigan, people enthusiastically paging through my new book, The Flavors of Faith: Holy Breads, and a general feeling of warmth and love from friends, family, clients and colleagues.
What more could I ask for?
When I got home, there was the expected come-down after the high. Wow, it’s amazing how our emotions can get the better of us – anticipation, fear, excitement, all with levels of needing to control the moment, and then BAM it happens, you’re in the thick of it, and it’s wonderful, and you bask in the glow of a successful event.
So when you hit home and quiet later the same night, all the adrenaline seeps out and you’re left with an empty shell.
I can’t tell you how proud and excited I am about this book. But the feelings after the party ended tell me that perhaps I don’t have enough of a careful distance from all the possible outcomes.
For the longest time, I wanted to go BIG. With business, with writing, with everything.
Now, I’m pretty much there – at least for my modest goals. And what do I want? Quiet.
This book is about real people having real moments, one-on-one, at unadorned kitchen tables and among ordinary people, trying to add meaning to the mundane. That’s what I’ve always been interested in learning and writing about: how people make a meaningful life.
As always, any focus on the money means the focus is off-kilter. The priorities are out of whack. A book is truly a labor of love and passion and a desire to connect with the world through story – nothing more, nothing less. Any writer who has his heart set on a bucket-load of money from book sales or a guaranteed New York Times bestseller is not living in reality.
So the party was great, and I am beyond touched by the outpouring of love from so many wonderful people in my life. Yes, I am grateful grateful grateful! This is a good life, a life worth living, stories worth telling, people with beating hearts and passion behind their eyes that I am lucky enough to know.
I think what I’m saying is that my energies got a little out of hand. A little too big for my britches. When I got home, I wanted the peace of my children around me, my daughter’s arm interwoven with mine.
This morning, I am off to a networking meeting because I thought it was important to get out there, to be known.
But deep down, I’m wondering if that’s the truth – if it even matters. What I really want, is to still be in bed beside my little guy who crept into the covers with me at about 4 a.m.
What I really want is to slow down and listen to the rain fall on my brand new roof and watch it like my kids used to from the family room, perched on pint-sized chairs, having nothing more important to do than to sit and watch the rain come down.