When I started this blog, I named it Nourish Cafe because I hoped it would become a place where we would talk about how we nourish ourselves, how we encourage growth and change and reflection, and where people of all kinds would (hopefully!) come for a whiff of connection.
And so it was last night, as I lay sleepily in my bed after reading to my three lovely babies, that it occurred to me that I haven’t been very nourishing of myself.
Women who work and raise children simultaneously – many of us have great difficulty raising ourselves. For a smart chick, I haven’t been able to figure out how to take time to reflect, to write, to get in touch with myself by taking walks outdoors or going to yoga as much as I need to – which is daily. I have people all around me – Allison Kaplan, Eric and Lisa Paskel, Lianne Paskel, and others – who make it incredibly easy for me to get inspiration and invigorating, fun exercise. And yet yoga once a week is not nearly enough.
Everybody is screaming these days – I hear their voices loud and clear. Whining, complaining, arguing, worrying. Problems all to do with factors outside of themselves and things beyond their control. And still, they spend their time and energy trying to get out of the discomfort.
It’s the little voice we must listen to. The one inside, the one that knows Truth.
I cannot control all the details, so I have stopped trying. “Women as half of all workers changes everything,” says Maria Shriver in The Shriver Report, a study about American women in the work force.
Is it changing us for the worse? Are we running crazed between work and school and sports and family, only to have no time left to cook a healthy family dinner or take an hour out for yoga or a swim? Are we competing with one another to be crowned “successful” at juggling all of these expectations?
I don’t purport to share any answers here only to say that I know it is time to stop and reflect, time to look deep within and figure out the answers to what has gone wrong.
Time to honor the obligations to Self that have been kicked into the dust of the lonely shoulder of the road for far too long.
Today is the holiest day on the Jewish calendar and it’s a day that I hate – a day heavy with obligation and remorse, of finger-wagging and punishment mentions, and the idea that we are very, very bad.
I’ve long said that I feel it would be more effective to have small moments or hours of reflection and atonement throughout the year. It’s what I do, but I guess some people prefer one big knock’em-out-of-the-park attempt to right wrongs and say they’re sorry.
For me, it’s a Saturday morning with a cool breeze coming in the window. My children snuggled in my bed for the first time in weeks and everyone was smiling when we came downstairs. I have time to write a blog and flip the pages of the October Vogue. It’s the moments, not the accomplishments. The inner voice, not any of the external ones.