What is the purpose, goal, ideal you have set to work for. Having set a clear project, the next step is to structure your course of action. Those who cannot conceive the entire span of life and do not program their actions live from moment to moment, day to day. Such people would fall prey to the constant pressure of work and time. – Governing Business & Relationships, A. Parthasarathy
The minute the bat mitzvah weekend was over, I jumped back into my work week. 8 a.m. meeting yesterday morning followed by appointments throughout the day and I drove restlessly to get to each one and check them off the list.
Is it the fear and guilt of not getting things done that propels me to jump back in so suddenly and fully?
Last night, as Eliana started on her thank you notes, a vase from the party spilled on the dining room table, dampening the notes. My daughter lost it, screaming, venting, throwing up her hands. “I promise I’ll do more notes tomorrow – these are ruined!” she cried.
But in reality, after standing the folded cards on end, they dried just fine and were able to send this morning.
An intense weekend comes and then it goes and we don’t give ourselves the proper time to unwind and ease back into routine.
This morning, my son had to be at school before dawn to take a test. My other son grumbled about waking at his usual time. Everything just seems harder after we depart from the norm for a few days and throw ourselves wholehearted into the celebration.
And so I’m wondering why our everyday life can’t have a bit of that enthusiasm and celebration in it.
Must we succumb to a routine of turmoil and exhaustion? Must we comply with the obligations and responsibilities of school-work-family-bills?
Of course we must but why must it be turmoil? Why must it be tumult?
Why not find the path that feels as if we are meant to walk it and embrace life as what I love to do?
This morning, I bent in and out of yoga poses in a darkened studio, watching my friend, the owner, teach. This she loves. And so her every waking moment is in line with the nature of who she is.
A hand on a back during a pose, a support on a leg while trying to kick it high in the air.
Finding the work that is our purpose eliminates all the turmoil from life.
Lately, I’ve been sitting on my meditation pillow, closing my eyes, and asking the universe to show me my purpose. Behind my closed eyes, I see spines of books all lined up on a shelf.
Books everywhere I look – around and about, in my hands and in my sight.
The words are what matter to me. Sharing my own and helping people find their voices. And for some reason, I felt that this path wasn’t enough, couldn’t save the world or heal it or fix it.
But perhaps it can.
Perhaps this was the purpose I was put on this earth. Perhaps this is my calling, my path, my nature – to write and guide others to write, to find my voice and use it to help others find theirs.
I remember being a frizzy-haired fifth-grader with only two friends. Everyone else didn’t like me. They said I was bossy. They didn’t want to play with me.
They made fun of my big pig tails and my uncool jeans folded at the cuffs. All the cool girls had Gloria Vanderbilt and Jordache and they were exactly the right length.
There were days I walked to my little sister’s third-grade classroom in tears, needing the comfort of someone who would love me regardless of what I wear or how my hair looks.
We do this to ourselves throughout our lives. I couldn’t wait to grow up and shed the peer pressure of the school yard, to find the places and people where I fit in.
Except, if we let it, this pressure, this judgment, this ill will follows us through the years.
We have to stand up and shake it off, if we are to be whole. Find our path. Live our destiny.
What’s your purpose? Do you know it yet? If not, what are you waiting for?