No Ability to Compartmentalize

It shouldn’t be difficult, getting along.

Personalities vary but truly, I assume most people have the same goal: peace, success, camaraderie. Why, then, is it so hard for some people to get along?

Lately, I’ve been text-battling with my ex. Nothing new has happened other than my forthcoming wedding. Perhaps that’s all it takes. It seems so basic, so obvious, that I would hope we would rise above and just accept the seamless flow of life as this-is-what-happens-next. If he were getting married, I would feel relief and gratitude that he found someone with whom he is more compatible than he was with me.

But alas. A recent fortune cookie missive said, You cannot put the same shoe on every foot. Try amending your plan. The little slip of white paper sits on my desk beside my keyboard and yet, I don’t see it. Amend my plan. Seems so basic. Be kinder to him, and he’ll be kinder to me. Understand the situation so emotion doesn’t complicate my focus.

But alas.

Spring is slowly poking its nose into my neighborhood. The snow has mostly melted and this morning, I didn’t zip my coat as I walked the children into school.

You would think that as the earth melts and the sun beams longer each day here in southeast Michigan, I would be able to shed the extra trappings of winter and bare my shoulders to the light. Still, I burrow into the comfort of my retreat, my so-are-you back-biting that has been the dynamic between the ex and myself.

Old habits die hard. Cliches exist because they’re true.

I don’t harbor any hard feelings toward him and I am trying to forgive him for the hurt and for the past. It is time to move on. Time to embrace the good and see the good lurking beneath the defensive posture. I am trying. I am trying.

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