Last night was fitful and rife with dreams. I was looking for an apartment to live in and my aunt and my mother were guiding me away from a complex that was 30 years old. But the newest buildings were put up in the last four years, I insisted. No matter. They pointed out the precarious staircases where I’d tramp up and down alone in the dark night. And the buildings were by the water and an industrial park and just very echo-y and desolate.
I was alone. Where were my children? And this past week, Shaya’s been complaining that he hates school, that he is bored. Today, his teacher told me he’s been so angry this past week. My 3-year-old is angry, and I can’t sleep. In the bed, he was next to me, arrived there sometime late in the night, but still I couldn’t sleep. He was sound as a whistle.
There is nervous energy all around me today. I am interviewing Rebecca Rosen – am I nervous? Is there trepidation? She’s just a person, even though she speaks to Spirit for a living. Hell, I speak to Spirit, too, just not as well nor as frequently as she does.
On Friday, my ex-husband barraged me with accusations that I am not raising my children with Jewish values because we eat non-kosher food and drive on Saturday. He pointed his scrutiny wand at my family, saying they’re not Jewish enough. He yelled at our 7-year-old when he insisted he will marry for love and only love – religion be damned.
Is he beyond scrutiny? When did Spirituality and Heaven and God and Goodness become obscured by dogma and rules and stern fingers, judgmental gazes? It’s all I’ve ever known religion to be, even when I was trying to see the goodness in the strictures.
But surely, at the beginning, at the SOURCE, there was goodness and integrity and true connection with higher knowledge.
Why is it so hard for real people in this life to see that?