My Wealthiest Moment Yet

There is a saying that a rich person is one who wants what she has.

Well, I am, for the first time in my life, rich as can be.

I just finished a sweaty, loud-music yoga class where the instructor was hipster-doofus preachy; his theme: whatever you want, it’s probably because you think it’ll make it happy. But it won’t. Happiness comes from being satisfied with who you are and what you have right now. 

And despite the annoyance of his broken-record story line, it hit me: I am perfectly happy with my life, every single bit of it. Is it perfect? Absolutely not. Am I a millionaire with no money woes? No way.

But I am profoundly, completely happy with my life. Even with the ups and downs. Even with tumult. Even with outcomes I didn’t expect or want.

And that, my friends, is huge.

For the first few years of my divorce, I physically ached when my children were away from me for too long. I hoped then that somehow I’d end up with them all the time. I don’t feel any of that anymore. I love them, yes, immensely, but I cherish every situation. Even when my ex torments me, I don’t like it but I can live with it.

I can live with anything that comes my way. That realization is the hurdle you leap over to get to true happiness.

Being able to live with imperfection and even to welcome it – to know that I have work to do and I relish that thought, invite it on – is such a gift. It’s like I’m dancing at the sun, all smiles and rays of light and brilliance and even the annoyances, the mood swings, the whatever-comes-my-way, it’s all good.

This is what I’ve worked so hard for.

This is where I’d hoped to be.

Last night, at Shabbat services at the Song and Spirit Institute in Berkley, I heard again and again this notion: “God is in the transitions. God is in the spaces in between.”

Whatever or whoever your God is, for me that means the perfection, the acceptance, the wisdom and the brilliance of life nestles into the empty spaces and the questions.

I don’t say anymore, “If only [fill in the blank], then my life will be perfect-as-I-want-it-complete.”

It is complete, every single day. It’s exactly as it should be. And so am I.

What a relief. What a release. And I wish it for all of you.

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