At 5 o’clock yesterday, I lost the ability to send email from my iPhone or iPad. I panicked, of course, since so much of our lives is dependent on virtual communication.
I got home and logged on to my email, which is hosted on Google Apps, and saw that 10.1 GB of storage was maxed out with my emails. Huh? Panicked more. But then the kids were hungry and I had to make dinner, so I left it alone. For a while.
Let’s just say that last night was a night of messages.
I bought more storage only to find out the storage I bought had nothing to do with email. I canceled that subscription. I tossed and turned and dreamt about a flood coming and only being able to leave town on foot and not knowing where my children were, feeling out of control and neglectful as a parent. I awoke at 2 a.m. and went to the computer to try to resolve the email issue.
And ended up deleting 33,000 emails that I didn’t know were there – including new ones and saved important ones for work.
I woke up my husband and he guided me to restore the emails so I had now 38,000 emails in my inbox and still no room left in the storage bin. I went back to sleep for another tumultuous dream with the same meaning – out of control, can’t focus enough to parent my kids well.
It’s all good now. But the message is loud and clear. Over the weekend, I was sick in bed but not really – temperature only went as high as 99.5 (that’s nothing, right?) and my only other symptom was extreme tiredness. I slept for two days, and anyone who knows me knows that never happens.
Then I lost the ability to send – but retained the ability to receive.
The universe is telling me to slow down, listen, stop talking, simplify.
Even this email fiasco is so prescient: clean out the clutter. Get rid of whatever you no longer need to hold onto. I had emails from a year and a half ago that, frankly, I will never again look at. Why hold onto the past? Do I think I’m going to need it to guide me forward?
When I spoke with my IT guy this morning to figure out how to eliminate the immense amount of stuff on my email server, he said, “Well, you do send a lot of emails.” He chuckled as he said it.
We know each other well, so I can take it. Ok. Message heard, loud and clear. Again.
Do I really need to say so much? Do I need to fill my days with appointment upon appointment? Do I need to be so damn busy?
The answer to it all is no.
The answer to it all is straight ahead.
This morning, I dropped off the kids at school then went walking with my friend Claire. We talked and walked and the sky was blue and the sun was bright and the air was cold.
It felt great. Alive.
Then I came home to meditate and that Ganesha elephant popped into my head again and guess what? The Ganesha (remover of obstacles among the Hindu deities) that I ordered online about a month ago arrived on my doorstep TODAY. While I was in the midst of deleting emails and permanently erasing them.
The answers are here if we are only quiet enough to hear them.