I am not going to name names in this blog, so please don’t private message me asking who it’s about. But the issues that are coming up are blanket-statements that we all should be aware of.
Children are brought into this world because we adults determine we want to. It’s an indulgence of our own, for whatever reason(s), and we take it quite lightly – have sex, make a baby, wow, I have a baby of my own to name, to cuddle, to make me feel like I’m at the next stage of life. It’s something “we” want – not something that this precious little soul has a huge part in making happen.
What then? What is our responsibility beyond the simple satisfaction of becoming a mother or father?
It’s a huge one and one not to be taken lightly.
Children are brought into this world in vulnerable and helpless states, and it is our responsibility, our GIFT, to guide them, nurture them, show them love and acceptance and unconditional support for WHO THEY ARE and what they need – they are not ours to fit into a neat little compartment and pull out when it suits us.
I heard a story today of a parent so indulgent that I wanted to cry. When I decided to divorce, I made a decision not only for myself but for my children – I didn’t want them to grow up in a household filled with misery and anger and learn how to be in an unhealthy relationship. It was for them as well as for myself, but I knew then and I am reminded every day that MY choice to live apart from my children’s father has lifelong repercussions for them.
I am always mindful of this. I welcome their father at any time to join us and hope he’ll extend the same courtesy to me. It is best for the children. I listen to their feelings and guide them toward resolution and always encourage them to be in touch with the other parent if and when they need or want to.
It is about them. That’s what parenting is: what is best for my children? Not for me. Not for the adults. For them.
So this story I heard today about someone I know abandoning children in search of the party life and “freedom” and indulgence of adult desires, well, it leaves me cold.
Those poor children.
Of course they aren’t adjusting. Who would? Of course they cry for their parent. Why isn’t a parent responding?
And this message is not just for parents. It is for all of us. We are not here to satisfy ourselves. We are here to make the world better, to make a difference, to be of service.
It is our job and our mission and our mandate in this life to contribute, to offer, to look outside of ourselves, always.
Plain and simple. To be selfish is an outpouring of vulnerability and fear. When we think only of ourselves, we are coming from a very low place. A very troubled place.
When we can heal the inner hurt to be expansive and outward-focused, well, then we are finally realizing our potential in this life.
Plain and simple. Enough said.