A client came on a year ago, quickly and eagerly, and then the same client canceled the contract three months later.
It wasn’t for lack of effort on my part, but I felt like a failure. This was a client I held in high esteem and whose talent and drive surely built up to deserving of national exposure.
When the client’s assistant canceled the contract, she said, “Lynne, you are enough.”
I thought it odd at the time that she would say that as an exiting remark. (Note: We are still friends and in frequent touch.) I pondered it for days, weeks, months, wondering why she sent me that message. Was I worried that I wasn’t enough? Was that the vibe I sent out?
In a recent yoga class, the teacher kept talking about how we are all perfect in the way we were created, that we don’t see the magic and miracle in our very existence, that we are, in fact, enough.
The same message, so many months later.
I believe fully that the universe sends us the messages we need, if we are only open enough to hearing them.
In recent games of Words with Friends, every single group of letters has contained within it, these three: G-O-D. For any of you who’ve read this blog for some time, you already know I am anti-religious – though very spiritual.
My days do not include God-speak. So to see this configuration of letters, in the middle of all the letters available to me, well, I don’t take it lightly.
Focus outside of yourself, the universe is telling me. Look higher. You are not the focus.
I am enough.
Funny that I should need this message so many years into work and life.
Or maybe it isn’t. Maybe the very fact of having successes and failures translates to a subtle, humble message that yes, my effort toward doing good – rather than padding my pockets on a quest to do well – is enough. That some days I reach huge success for clients and some days little successes and some days it’s just a straight line of effort, effort, effort with no known outcome. Yet.
And that as a mother, even when I yell or read People magazine when I should be focusing on my kids or get a pedicure, I am still good. I still raise them right. The love seeps through everything else. And that as a friend, even if I haven’t called in a while, the love is still there. The compassion. The trust. The foundation we’ve built over so many years.
And when a week hits me like the last several, and I feel like I don’t have enough time for, well, anything, and I am gasping for air to get everything done, crossing a few things off my to-do list is wonderful, great, complete.
I am enough.
Work is just work, and when you’re aiming for a higher purpose, to serve people, we can’t let the ego-speak get in the way of knowing we are doing all we can do. Some clients will be happy. Some will leave. Some will fret and moan and nothing will be good enough. And some won’t give it enough time for any real success.
All the clients I’ve had who have attained national media exposure got there after a long time of us working together. It was never out of the starting gate. That’s just the way it works.
We have dribs and drabs right from the start, but the big exposures came in time. Months. Sometimes, years.
So when someone comes on all eager and enthusiastic, and then departs just as passionately, I have to know that it’s not me. That I am enough.